I lost a long comment, and I decided to write a post instead.
Gratitude is what overflows my heart.
I write about inspiration, about renewing my heart with godliness, love, and looking up at Him, Lord of lords, and my friends take that invitation and send it back to me tenfold.
Karen takes my aspiration this year to be renewed in my Scripture readings, and ties it all with schedules and life, and what to do in the middle of all this noise, and the speed of life that seems to escape our desire to control it all, to come up on top and look good in the process.
Another Karen takes my rambles and attempts to schedule better, to reflect upon where we are going and make a written commitment that allows us to grow, breath, and move at a realistic yet challenging pace in our lessons, and she inspires me back with her thoughts and expressions of gratitude, she motivates me to take my own advice and remember to keep things simple.
Jeanne comes to my immediate call of despair, and makes herself 100 percent available for whatever is needed on my side. She reminds me that “life shall be pleasant”, and to “accept my girls’ quirks, and meet them where they are”. She reassures me I can have a good schedule, and offers herself to help me plan for next year.
This year is different. It’s critical. Crisis are not bad if you are willing to submit and recognize you cannot, a) go on like this, b) get out of this by yourself.
I was just living, and reading, and planning (or not much), and now I am just starting to glimpse at this from a new perspective. Not totally new (I’ve always known this in theory), but new to me.
All I’m saying it’s that I am committed (through prayer, through introspection), to just live my life day by day, moment by moment. Yes, I look at the whole picture, sure I do, but I am surely working at this atmosphere aspect of education and life. Before, I kept my ideals in my head, we started the week relatively fine, until my daughters kept distancing from my ideal of what they should do, where we should be, etc. Then I snapped, I started with accusations and reproaches, and manipulations… I’m tired of that, and it’s time I acknowledge it has been my fault for believing things are in my hands, and my girls’ souls belong to me.
I know I can. And I ought, no doubt. I surely will! The great of all this change is that I don’t have to be perfect. I have always said sorry, but now my sorry is meant. I have brought my girls (specially my oldest), on board. She knows how to tell me when the beast in me is creeping, :), when the wrong thoughts are about to surface in wrong doings. And the more you let go, the more you invite Him, the easier and more beautiful your life becomes.
I have lots of plans and projects, as you could see in my past post, but they are not burdens, they don’t have to happen perfectly, they are my life, and they will be accomplished as He desires, and IF He so desires.
As a result of this crisis in our lessons, I’m mindful and always correcting the way I address my daughters. I’m committed to stop my habitual tendency to use manipulation while at lessons, to remember they are persons.
To all of you, friends, thanks for making me aware and desiring to be a better person each day.