If I gave you permission, what would you cut? -a friend told me yesterday, trying to guide me and help me in my despair.
(I don’t even know how to answer that question… I had kept going on so stubbornly wrong, not wanting to give anything up. I feel I’m in a treasure cave, stuffing my pockets with gold and rubies, riches beyond measure, when I cannot get out of that trap unless I pick up just a lantern and climb out burden free).
This post will have to do for yesterday and today!
I’m about to leave the computer and get on with life, but not without telling you I’m trying to apply the same advice I give over and over… I tell others what Kelly tells us, “keep cutting back until there is Peace in your home, yet I don’t follow it myself.”
I’ve always taken the AO years for my daughters, and try to
run fly with it. We are now in the third term, week 29, of years 2 and 4, and I’ve swamped them. They love the books, the new practices, their lessons… but not in the quantity and rushed spirit I’m imparting. I have “added” components… not to excel or compete, they are meaningful things, or CM practices we did not used to do and now we do, so something has to give in. I failed at removing something (since I was adding, even if not much, it’s like a little ripple that’s turning into a storm).
I planned and started early last year, (in May), we had a long 7 weeks trip, they have grown into a new year, and yet I forgot AO adds some more load towards the middle of each year, and I failed to accommodate for my girls needs. I’m not meeting them but pulling them toward my unrealistic standard.
Now it’s difficult to maintain this rhythm (which ends up being chaos) and finish the year, but we will. And next year will be planned much.more.carefully. I must leave much more breathing spaces, or we will start it all, and feel we cannot do anything well. Less done well, as Amy Jo tells me she aims to do, will be my aim as well.
I’m conformed to finished all we started, and paying the price of doing so less meaningfully that it could have been with less. Once you are almost finished (even if not quite), there’s value in finishing what you chewed on. Next time I’m being extra careful with my order. When we eat out, I do great, even if I think I want more than what I’m just ordering, or the girls ask for lots, we start with one thing. I always tell them that, if they are hungry, we will order more food… I need to do the same with the schedules. I’m going to simplify, even cut back (considering our challenges), and very carefully adjust at the beginning. I want more joy, more peace… without love nothing matters, right?
So, if you find yourself in April, thinking about how to finish a year you planned carelessly when you thought you had nailed it, and wanting to change, and invite joy back to your daily lessons and life, know you are not alone!